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It has been awhile ON Tuesday, October 16, 2018 @ 4:13:00 PM
Needed a place to rant and babble about everything and anything thus revisiting blogger as a place of refuge for my deep thoughts.
The last time I wrote a journal content was in the Year 2014, I presume. Things that could happen to someone and changed all their perspective on life and its equivalent is astounding. Being hyper-aware of the fact that one has a mental health issue for close to 19 years is taking a toll on the mental and emotional aspect which in turn affect the health and cause physical discomfort and illnesses.
In order to de-stress and release all the negativity and anxiety that has built up throughout most of my childhood and adulthood ( i suppose), decided to take a break for a year from the social setting and just cleanse my body and mind before I start the grind for next year.
Have you ever been so mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically exasperated to the point of developing insanity thoughts? Apparently, last year, after experiencing hatred & confusion & jealousy & sadness & guilt & being infuriated almost every single day, I was starting to develop tinnitus and having the urge to cause physical harm to others with the thought of slamming their head on the desk. Working in the polyclinic and facing constant negativity and anger reflected from tired and sick patients did not help in maintaining a calm environment for me to heal/ recover from my mental breakdown. After experiencing constant anxiety attacks and sobbing for almost every day, there is this deep-rooted fear of me experiencing the same situation again.
With the year coming to an end in about 2 months time, have I really developed a new tactic to change my perspective when a similar situation happen in the near future? Just the thought of it is causing me to have anxiety even before a problem even arrises.
WOW! I can't believe people still visit my blog even after i have not posted anything for almost 10 months. Well, first of all i would like to wish whoever out there that is reading this a Happy 2015 and thank you for popping by. I shall let you into a secret. I actually wrote an entry for the Mth of Apr and May last year but i forgot to published it. Lol!! I must have pressed the save button instead of sending it. Damn lame~~!!! For the rest of the yr I did thought of posting a few entries but got lazy, like most of the time, so i ended up ditching the idea. I've been doing good lately if you're wondering. hehe. Since for the past few years, i did make it a point to post on the first thing that i've done throughout the yr, except for last yr, so i shall do it now. Better late than never aye. I kinda still remember most of it, plus there are photos to help stimulate my memory so here goes~ 1 Jan 2014. First time i celebrated New Year with my friends. We had a dance performance at Bishan CC. 3 Jan, I went to a bar at Scape after training with Lionel, Wan er, Jasmond and Yen San and had my first spirit cocktail. 1 glass and i was light headed. 11 Jan, I had my first sleep over at my friend, Wan er's house. The next morning we had a performance at Paya Leyba and that night we had a drinking session without my parents knowing. Well that is the reason why i want to sleep over in the first place. Jasmond and Rickmond also slept over.
18 Jan, Took part in our first video shooting for Channel 8' variety show as N.E.G members and appeared on TV!! 5 Feb, I asked my Mum to teach me how to buy lottery. We happened to saw 4 digits on the floor and decided to buy it. I bought $5 for the number 3100. That was the first and last time. Waste $. I kept the ticket that is why i know the number. =D 9 Feb, Sun. Took part in my first ever dance audition at Natasha Studio for their recital. 13-14 Apr. First time went to Universal Studio early in the morning before they even start their operating hours, not to play the rides but for a filming session for a dance scene featuring in a Malay movie. The pay was good and it was like high school musical with all the singing and dancing. Quite interesting and memorable times. 26 Apr, Sat. That day was the first time that i walked to Sentosa from Vivo City and I had my first club experience and it was a GAY club cause why go to normal club when you can go to a gay club, right? Actually, Jasmond wanted to go so the rest just follow. How was my experience there? BORING and the MOST expensive experience ever, not to mention i got scolded from my mum and brother for reaching home at 2+ . It was another day of me being rebellious. Probably my first and last time going to a club. 3rd May, Sat. I went for my first NRA audition. Yes i remembered to sign up last yr. The choreography was fun. The audi was in a pax of 5 and there were like 10 judges + 2 camera guy in the audi studio. Damn nervous. Ow and there was this handsome guy named Jia Jun there =D..hehehe..I did not get thru though.
26 May, Went to the sky garden at MBS for the first time for a school site visit. Hotel and Facilities Management course, have many perks. 16 Jun, I had a high fever of 39.6 degree C for the first time and i was sick for almost a week. It was the highest among my whole family. And because of that i couldn't participate in a dance competition. However, during training there were some conflict between Rickmond and i. It was the start of wanting to improve my dance even more. 2 July. I went for my first lyrical Hip hop class at Seven dance and fitness. Guess who was the instructor. *drum roll* It was Jia jun a senior from NRA. I've attend his lesson for a couple of times and i even went back to learning breakdance for awhile before i injured myself even more. Whichever day it was in that year, i learned how to do handstand and even did a air freeze with the help from the instructor, bboy Alex, though. My heart nearly came out but it was really cool and will practice again when my knees and ankles are much better. 22 July, I tried escargot, foie gras, different type of cheese for example blue cheese and even ate worms during class time for my elective module, exploring food and culture. Not all in one day. 26 July, I went to watch a production/ recital by Natasha studio for the first time. Went to support Jasmond, Rickmond and Lionel. 15 Aug, Fri. Went to watch Recognise studio recital ALONE cause my friends ditched me and i made a promise to Leslie that i will go support him, so yea. It was quite lame going alone. But the recital was damn awesome. Chris Martin an international choreographer was there as a special guest. His item had been uploaded to Youtube. 28 Aug. Went to Universal studio with my parents for the first time. It was supposed to be a gathering with the rest of the aunties but at that time i was sick so my parents wait until i've recovered. The tickets were bought at a discounted price. My parents gave away 1 ticket cause my bro can't go and it was expiring soon. 30 Aug. Was invited by Candice, the owner of Seven dance & fitness, to go for a pot luck session with a crew called FusionX. Friendly and jovial group of people. 5 Sep,Sat. Wan Yong and i had 2 free tickets given by 2nd auntie to Adventure cove. It was our first time there and we had our first snorkeling experience. 7 Sep, Mon. Started my first Internship with Fraser's place Robertson walk. 17 Sep,Wed. Received call from my school internship supervisor. Internship was terminated as i FAILED 1 module for the first time. Ended up working there for 1 month as a temp staff. The pay was good so ow well. 10 Oct. My oldest cousin's, Li Xia Jie Jie, wedding day!!! It was a simple wedding ceremony. 13 Oct, Mon. Chingay PAYM first training. First time joining Chingay as a performer. 22 Nov, Sat. Went to watch NRA production for the first time as Jia jun asked me to go watch like 4 times on diff days. I went alone again but it was interesting and inspiring as well. there was this awkward moment when i happened to saw Eunice and we went to search for Jia jun tgt. Damn awkward and the awkward moment is on me. Yes it had to be me. ~.~ 4 Dec. Was selected to be in the Media conference team to perform/ showcase. It was featured in different newspaper and i appeared on the news for like 5 seconds. =D 6 Dec-13 Dec.First time went Korea for a family vacation with the rest of the aunties and my cousins. Ate raw abalone, saw falling snow and skied for the first time =D... 20 Dec. Attended NRA legacy first dance workshop. Last yr they won the championship title for WSDB for the monster category. After that Jia Jun and another guy co-founded Legacydco and hence the free workshop by them to test water for future dance course/ open class. Which is good for typical Singaporeans, like me. It's FREEEEE.....
26 Dec, Fri.First time having a short vacation with only my brother and his GF. First time on board Royal Caribbean cruise ship. It was suppose to be my mum's company family outing but due to some unforeseen circumstances, hence it's just us. A little bonus for reading my post till this far.
The part that i learned was Beginner class, lyrics starts on ' I saw them shopping last week". You can see me in the video standing on the top left hand corner of the routine nearer to the end of the video. To see other videos just click "Legacydco". I joined my first intermediate class this yr by Ogus Goh and Mia Teck. Damn awesome and cool choreography. I couldn't catch the full choreo but personally i felt that i've improved quite abit..hehehehe... Go watch, ok!! =D That is all BYE ^ ^
Who Am I Full Name : Rui Zhen Nicknames : Big eyes, Blur sotong Age : 21 years old Birthday : 24 November 1992 School : Ngee Ann Polytechnic Job : Nil Status : Single Hobbies : Eating, Sleeping, Dancing, Playing musical instruments & traveling Fav Foods : None Fav Drinks : Ice lemon tea
Wishlist ❤
Go overseas with my cousins
Scuba Diving
wakeboarding
snorkeling
skiing
Ice skating
Jet Skiing
Ride on a hot air balloon
Helicopter tour
Horse riding
Sun tan through bikini
Vacation in :Maldives
: Cancan, Mexico
: Switzerland
: Gold Coast, Australia again
: South Korea
: Tahili
Dye hair brOwn Or perm hair
Go Ritsumeikan Asia pacific Uni
Accomplish a piano & violin duet
See Cherry blossoms = Go Japan
cook western cusine
Dance on the stage again
Be the hottest girl on my 21th BD
see waterfall
see shooting stars
Find a goal in life
Be someone people look up too
Be somebody instead of nobody(Be well-known)
Join NRA in yr 2014
Choreograph a song
Work at Singapore Grandprix, F1 race again
It has been awhile ON Tuesday, October 16, 2018 @ 4:13:00 PM
Needed a place to rant and babble about everything and anything thus revisiting blogger as a place of refuge for my deep thoughts.
The last time I wrote a journal content was in the Year 2014, I presume. Things that could happen to someone and changed all their perspective on life and its equivalent is astounding. Being hyper-aware of the fact that one has a mental health issue for close to 19 years is taking a toll on the mental and emotional aspect which in turn affect the health and cause physical discomfort and illnesses.
In order to de-stress and release all the negativity and anxiety that has built up throughout most of my childhood and adulthood ( i suppose), decided to take a break for a year from the social setting and just cleanse my body and mind before I start the grind for next year.
Have you ever been so mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically exasperated to the point of developing insanity thoughts? Apparently, last year, after experiencing hatred & confusion & jealousy & sadness & guilt & being infuriated almost every single day, I was starting to develop tinnitus and having the urge to cause physical harm to others with the thought of slamming their head on the desk. Working in the polyclinic and facing constant negativity and anger reflected from tired and sick patients did not help in maintaining a calm environment for me to heal/ recover from my mental breakdown. After experiencing constant anxiety attacks and sobbing for almost every day, there is this deep-rooted fear of me experiencing the same situation again.
With the year coming to an end in about 2 months time, have I really developed a new tactic to change my perspective when a similar situation happen in the near future? Just the thought of it is causing me to have anxiety even before a problem even arrises.
WOW! I can't believe people still visit my blog even after i have not posted anything for almost 10 months. Well, first of all i would like to wish whoever out there that is reading this a Happy 2015 and thank you for popping by. I shall let you into a secret. I actually wrote an entry for the Mth of Apr and May last year but i forgot to published it. Lol!! I must have pressed the save button instead of sending it. Damn lame~~!!! For the rest of the yr I did thought of posting a few entries but got lazy, like most of the time, so i ended up ditching the idea. I've been doing good lately if you're wondering. hehe. Since for the past few years, i did make it a point to post on the first thing that i've done throughout the yr, except for last yr, so i shall do it now. Better late than never aye. I kinda still remember most of it, plus there are photos to help stimulate my memory so here goes~ 1 Jan 2014. First time i celebrated New Year with my friends. We had a dance performance at Bishan CC. 3 Jan, I went to a bar at Scape after training with Lionel, Wan er, Jasmond and Yen San and had my first spirit cocktail. 1 glass and i was light headed. 11 Jan, I had my first sleep over at my friend, Wan er's house. The next morning we had a performance at Paya Leyba and that night we had a drinking session without my parents knowing. Well that is the reason why i want to sleep over in the first place. Jasmond and Rickmond also slept over.
18 Jan, Took part in our first video shooting for Channel 8' variety show as N.E.G members and appeared on TV!! 5 Feb, I asked my Mum to teach me how to buy lottery. We happened to saw 4 digits on the floor and decided to buy it. I bought $5 for the number 3100. That was the first and last time. Waste $. I kept the ticket that is why i know the number. =D 9 Feb, Sun. Took part in my first ever dance audition at Natasha Studio for their recital. 13-14 Apr. First time went to Universal Studio early in the morning before they even start their operating hours, not to play the rides but for a filming session for a dance scene featuring in a Malay movie. The pay was good and it was like high school musical with all the singing and dancing. Quite interesting and memorable times. 26 Apr, Sat. That day was the first time that i walked to Sentosa from Vivo City and I had my first club experience and it was a GAY club cause why go to normal club when you can go to a gay club, right? Actually, Jasmond wanted to go so the rest just follow. How was my experience there? BORING and the MOST expensive experience ever, not to mention i got scolded from my mum and brother for reaching home at 2+ . It was another day of me being rebellious. Probably my first and last time going to a club. 3rd May, Sat. I went for my first NRA audition. Yes i remembered to sign up last yr. The choreography was fun. The audi was in a pax of 5 and there were like 10 judges + 2 camera guy in the audi studio. Damn nervous. Ow and there was this handsome guy named Jia Jun there =D..hehehe..I did not get thru though.
26 May, Went to the sky garden at MBS for the first time for a school site visit. Hotel and Facilities Management course, have many perks. 16 Jun, I had a high fever of 39.6 degree C for the first time and i was sick for almost a week. It was the highest among my whole family. And because of that i couldn't participate in a dance competition. However, during training there were some conflict between Rickmond and i. It was the start of wanting to improve my dance even more. 2 July. I went for my first lyrical Hip hop class at Seven dance and fitness. Guess who was the instructor. *drum roll* It was Jia jun a senior from NRA. I've attend his lesson for a couple of times and i even went back to learning breakdance for awhile before i injured myself even more. Whichever day it was in that year, i learned how to do handstand and even did a air freeze with the help from the instructor, bboy Alex, though. My heart nearly came out but it was really cool and will practice again when my knees and ankles are much better. 22 July, I tried escargot, foie gras, different type of cheese for example blue cheese and even ate worms during class time for my elective module, exploring food and culture. Not all in one day. 26 July, I went to watch a production/ recital by Natasha studio for the first time. Went to support Jasmond, Rickmond and Lionel. 15 Aug, Fri. Went to watch Recognise studio recital ALONE cause my friends ditched me and i made a promise to Leslie that i will go support him, so yea. It was quite lame going alone. But the recital was damn awesome. Chris Martin an international choreographer was there as a special guest. His item had been uploaded to Youtube. 28 Aug. Went to Universal studio with my parents for the first time. It was supposed to be a gathering with the rest of the aunties but at that time i was sick so my parents wait until i've recovered. The tickets were bought at a discounted price. My parents gave away 1 ticket cause my bro can't go and it was expiring soon. 30 Aug. Was invited by Candice, the owner of Seven dance & fitness, to go for a pot luck session with a crew called FusionX. Friendly and jovial group of people. 5 Sep,Sat. Wan Yong and i had 2 free tickets given by 2nd auntie to Adventure cove. It was our first time there and we had our first snorkeling experience. 7 Sep, Mon. Started my first Internship with Fraser's place Robertson walk. 17 Sep,Wed. Received call from my school internship supervisor. Internship was terminated as i FAILED 1 module for the first time. Ended up working there for 1 month as a temp staff. The pay was good so ow well. 10 Oct. My oldest cousin's, Li Xia Jie Jie, wedding day!!! It was a simple wedding ceremony. 13 Oct, Mon. Chingay PAYM first training. First time joining Chingay as a performer. 22 Nov, Sat. Went to watch NRA production for the first time as Jia jun asked me to go watch like 4 times on diff days. I went alone again but it was interesting and inspiring as well. there was this awkward moment when i happened to saw Eunice and we went to search for Jia jun tgt. Damn awkward and the awkward moment is on me. Yes it had to be me. ~.~ 4 Dec. Was selected to be in the Media conference team to perform/ showcase. It was featured in different newspaper and i appeared on the news for like 5 seconds. =D 6 Dec-13 Dec.First time went Korea for a family vacation with the rest of the aunties and my cousins. Ate raw abalone, saw falling snow and skied for the first time =D... 20 Dec. Attended NRA legacy first dance workshop. Last yr they won the championship title for WSDB for the monster category. After that Jia Jun and another guy co-founded Legacydco and hence the free workshop by them to test water for future dance course/ open class. Which is good for typical Singaporeans, like me. It's FREEEEE.....
26 Dec, Fri.First time having a short vacation with only my brother and his GF. First time on board Royal Caribbean cruise ship. It was suppose to be my mum's company family outing but due to some unforeseen circumstances, hence it's just us. A little bonus for reading my post till this far.
The part that i learned was Beginner class, lyrics starts on ' I saw them shopping last week". You can see me in the video standing on the top left hand corner of the routine nearer to the end of the video. To see other videos just click "Legacydco". I joined my first intermediate class this yr by Ogus Goh and Mia Teck. Damn awesome and cool choreography. I couldn't catch the full choreo but personally i felt that i've improved quite abit..hehehehe... Go watch, ok!! =D That is all BYE ^ ^
My dance practice videos and miscellaneous. It's nothing fanciful but i enjoyed every process of it and i hope you will enjoy it too =D. Will upload more practice videos when available.. Stay tune for more!
Meet The Webmistress
Who Am I
Wishlist ❤
Go overseas with my cousins
Ice skating
My dance practice videos and miscellaneous. It's nothing fanciful but i enjoyed every process of it and i hope you will enjoy it too =D. Will upload more practice videos when available.. Stay tune for more!